A woman is an intoxicating product that no one has yet thought to tax with excise duty. In case someone ever gets such an idea, I propose an estimate of the strength of this product in various stages of its existence, based not on degrees but on comparison with more or less known beverages: A woman under 16 – distilled water. At 16 – Laninskaia fruit water. From 17 to 20 – Chablis and Château d’Yquem. From 20 to 23 – Tokaji wine. From 23 to 26 – champagne. At 26 and 27 – Madeira and Jerez. At 28 – cognac with lemon. From 29 to 32 – liqueurs. From 32 to 35 – "Vienna" beer. From 35 to 40 – kvass. From 40 to 100 – fusel oil. If marital status is the measure: Wife – Selters mineral water. Mother-in-law – cucumber brine. A charming stranger – a shot of vodka before breakfast. A widow from 23 to 28 – Muscat-Lunel and Marsala wines. A widow from 28 onwards – Porter. An old maid – lemon without cognac. A fiancée – rose water. Aunt – vinegar.